5 Jan '08 - 12:13 p.m.
I'm no Dr. Phil nor Oprah but I do know a couple of things about reationships, or how to fuck them up.
You want to kill a relationship fast? try total honesty! that's right, honesty.
Case in point: The first girl I lived with, (there has only been two, this girl and my wife), split up six months after we moved in together.
She used to be the fiance of my absolute best friend in Navy. Until I got a frantic call from her about midnight. I rushed over and let myself in with my own keys after nobody responded to the buzzer. We three were very tight before this night.
I walked in and looked at the dried blood comming from her nose. I looked at him, with his pants down his ankles trying to have a crap in the vegetable crisper of their fridge. I was half a foot taller than him and at least 40 pounds heavier when I smashed him in the face then slammed the fridge door on his prone body. Long story short we moved in together, must have been that white knight crap, but we weren't happy, no fighting or bickering. Just not happy. so this is where the honesty thing comes into play.
She asked me one day to be honest and say whats on my mind. I did, I said I missed Scotts friendship, that I liked her but she was not really my type, I felt obligated to stay with her. She said the same thing. So we ageed to go our separate ways.
Sounds good and boring so far. Heres where it changes. I was going to sea for a few weeks and she decided to move out then to avoid any uncomfortable moments. We agreed she could have all the new furniture we bought together, I would still make the payments. I will keep the TV and stereo.
Weeeeelllll, I get home after my little trip and my apartment is bare. No furniture, no dishes, no utensiles and oddly enough, no clothes, it was bare. My TV and stereo were still there though, in little pieces! Smasshed with a hammer. How did I know it was a hammer she used? It was still embedded in the tv's picture tube! Oh, she also left a screwdriver. Something had to hold the hate note on the wall.
The note said I destroyed her by not wanting her, being cruel and the such.
A little tact on my part could have save me a lot of grief. Odd thing though, after about three months she called me and asked why I never called her?
What was Scotts problem you might be wondering? Cocain, he just started using and it enveloped him totaly. He didn't last 4 months in the Navy after starting that shit. He got a deserverved dishonourable.
So, I am never totaly honest with anyone anymore. Everyone has a flaw that is obvious to others but I'll never, ever bring it up nor comment on it even if the person which said flaws pertain to brings it up. I would say 95 percent of my lies are lies of ommision.
Remember, once you say something, it is out there and can always bite you on the ass. Once you ring a bell, you can't unring it!
Urges; some of my favorite diaryland reads have mentioned lack of urges in the bedroom department or urges to be with others than their signifigant others. All natural. Things do get stale and mundane. That's life. Whether you act on those urges or not is up to the individual. But things aways change for the good again. It would be impossible for it not to.
You might feel that one more second with this person will shred the last vestiges of your sanity, but there is alway that basic reason you two hooked up in the first place, remember that, it'll help.
